once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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