well I can't set my house on fire every night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
