I could make wine with my vomit
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
