The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
