Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize