I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
