So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
