When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
