I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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