My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
