I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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