it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Houston, we have a blender
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
