I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize