remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
