I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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