I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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