Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
