Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
