I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
