I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
