Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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