he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
