"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
