Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
