He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
