She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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