I cut my penus on the lid.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
