i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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