I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
