note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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