he shaved USA in his pubs
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize