I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
