5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
