You smell like stripper and shame
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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