I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
