You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
