You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
