Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
