I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
