Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
