I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
