I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
