hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
