i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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