I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
