the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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