Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
