I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Text me some of your sweat
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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