She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
