Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
