He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
