my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You've changed since you got that strap on
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
