I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
