bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Life is so much better after having sex.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
