Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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