Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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