I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
