my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
