It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
