You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
