Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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