when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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