capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
