"it" just moved
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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