he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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